


You Can Call Me Cullen

by JosieWtF



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-17 12:37:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4666797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JosieWtF/pseuds/JosieWtF
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Commander Cullen can't stop thinking about The Inquisitor. Lately he has been accidentally throwing out subtle hints. He tries to keep it in so as not to jeopardize the mission, but Inquisitor Syndaria is not making it easy for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Shoutout to Esther for beta reading <3

Cullen sighed as he pushed stray hair off his forehead. He was trying to focus on the words on the pages, but his mind kept drifting back to her.  _Stop it!_ He ordered himself, just like he did to his soldiers every day, but it wasn't working like it did with them. His brain just kept wandering to her body... her lips.  _How would it feel to have her body pressed up against mine? Her beautiful lips around my-_ STOP!  _You can't think about The Inquisitor like that, Cullen. Idiot!_ His mind just kept wandering, and he kept fighting it.

 There was a knock at the door, and Cullen's body went rigid.  _What if it's her? I don't think I'll be able to handle seeing her in the state that I'm in tonight..._

 "Come in!" he called as he nervously tried to make it look like he'd been doing something productive. 

 She walked in.

  _Maker, I should've known you wouldn't make it easy for me._ He stood up so quickly it knocked the chair out from behind him "M'lady Inquisi- Maker's breath!" he exclaimed as he reached behind him to pick the chair back up. "My apologies, m'lady Inquisitor." he said as he stepped out from behind the desk and bowed.

 The Inquisitor laughed casually as she made her way into the office, Cullen's knees went weak as she came closer and he got a whiff of her scent. "Andran atish'an, Commander Cullen, I've told you a million times to call me 'Syndaria!'" she teasingly scolded him.

 "Yes, I'm sorry, m'lady. I'm just... uh, I'm not used to addressing someone such as yourself so informally." he stated with a wince at how awkward his words always sounded around her.

 She giggled and Cullen thought himself a dead man. "'A person such as yourself' Whatever do you mean by that?" she asked with a wink.

 "Oh." he blushed. "I just meant, uh, someone of your... nobility, m'lady."

 She giggled again. "Anyway, the real reason that I came here was to ask you how we should proceed with Samson." she said, sobering.

 "Oh! Samson. I'd forgotten all about him!" Cullen said with a humourless laugh, trying to make his brain work again. "We should-" he nervously cleared his throat, trying to get a bearing on reality again. "We should definitely try him. He was a Templar after all, and we might be able to get some information from him, and I also believe he should give some sort of explanation for his actions, it might grant us some insight into how the Red Templars works." he stated, all in one breath to get the whole thought out before his brain went to mush again. He was so nervous around her... it wasn't safe for the Inquisition.

 The Inquisi- Syndaria nodded as she went and sat down on the little sofa. "That's a very good idea!"

 Cullen thought it would be rude to remain standing while she sat on the sofa, but he didn't think he'd be able to handle sitting that close to her. He was getting worse with her, almost to the point of driving him insane with the need to have her near. He resorted to sitting back down at his desk, and thought he saw Syndaria looking disappointed, but he was probably imagining it. 

 "So, I also thought I'd talk to you about Cole..." she said as she bit her lip nervously. Maker's breath, he wanted to kiss her so bad.

 "Uh..." he said as an image of Syndaria on top of him, moaning in pleasure, threw itself into his head.  _Maker, no! Not while she's sitting right there... right... there... NO! You have to stop._ He scolded himself as his cheeks surely turned the deepest shade of red. "Yes! Okay, yes you'd like to talk to me about Cole!" he said nervously as he crossed his legs to cover his sudden arousal.

 Syndaria looked at him strangely. "Uh, yes... ever since Solas made him more... spirit, he seems a lot happier. So I'm glad that I made the right choice. That was quite the choice that I had to make." she said absently, clearly thinking about something else. "Anyway, I should probably go... I'm very tired. Dareth shiral, Commander Cullen." she called back as she quickly went out the door.

 "Call me Cullen..." he whispered at the empty doorway.

* * *

 

 "Dammit!" Cullen cried as he stared longingly at his lyrium kit. "You don't need it." he muttered to himself, but he was lying. He needed it so bad it stung. "Just... just a little bit wouldn't hurt, no. Just a little bit wouldn't hurt." he whispered, convincing himself, not that it would take much to convince him to take it at this point. "Yeah, I'll just take a little bit, just a little bit. I need to hear the song. The song! Yes, the song is so beautiful. The Inquisitor can't get angry at me for wanting to hear such a beautiful song..." he mumbled as he reached for his kit. "But." he stopped. "The Inquisitor is also beautiful. More beautiful than the song. I have to show her that I'm strong enough. She needs me to be strong enough." He made himself put the kit away, but then he stopped. "The song will make me stronger. I could be so strong for her if I could just hear the song!" he said doubtfully, knowing how the words were lies, but  _needing_ to hear the lyrium's song.

_"No!"_ he cried. "I'm sick of this  _fucking_ game!" he threw the kit at the wall so hard that it shattered. He fell to his knees and he heard a small gasp come from the doorway. He put his head in his hands and sobbed, and he felt small arms around his shoulders, and he turned and found comfort in the arms.

 He wasn't aware how long he lay there, sobbing as Syndaria held him and wiped his hair off his face when it was stuck there from tears and sweat. She sang him a song, and he thought that it might be as beautiful as the lyrium's song. He might be able to live with this song instead.

 When he lifted his head up, Syndaria looked down at him thoughtfully. It hurt deep in his gut that he hadn't been strong enough for her, he hadn't been strong enough to resist the lyrium's sweet call. "I'm sorry. So... sorry." he said and his voice broke and a single tear ran down his face. He vowed that it would be the last tear that she would see him shed. He would be strong, he'd be what she needed him to be.

 He stood up, and he leaned on the desk for support. Syndaria stood up with him, and she looked up at him with worried eyes.

 "Don't look at me like that, m'lady. I'm fine." he said, trying to smile and show her that he was okay.

 She didn't look convinced. "You scared me, Cullen. I didn't know if you were going to be alright. I was going to go get Solas, but you didn't want me to leave. I was so scared that you'd die. I don't know what I'd do if you'd died-" her body was taken over by frightened sobs. Cullen pulled her close to him. "It's okay, you don't need to cry. I'm here, and I'm okay." he said, trying to reassure her so she'd stop crying. He hated seeing her crying.

 She looked up at him and studied his face for a minute. Just as he was about to ask her what she was looking at, she pulled his face to hers and his world crashed around him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is abandoned until further notice. It's gone untouched by me for over a year and a half, and I've moved on to different things, and I can't force stories. I'm really sorry to anyone who enjoyed the first chapter of this story, and I may continue it some day, but as of now it will not be continued. This second chapter has been a draft for a long, long time and I figured that I may as well just put it up as is and give you guys a little something more with this news. I'm sorry again about this but I know that it won't turn out right if my heart isn't in the story, so it's better just to leave it here than give you guys a crummy conclusion.

 When Syndaria pulled away, Cullen had to use all of his mental strength to not grab her and pull her right back to him.

 "Uh, Commander Cullen. I'm... so sorry. I didn't mean to do that... I... should go." she stuttered, flushing before rushing out the door.

 "Maker's... breath." Cullen breathed. He was having trouble thinking after that kiss. "Her lips were... intoxicating, but she regrets it. Maker, what did I do to deserve such  _torment?"_ Cullen called out to the air. "Why must I always grow so fond of what I can't have?" he struck the wall with his fist and he heard a loud  _crack!_ and at first he felt nothing, then the pain hit him. "Andraste's  _arse!_ "he cried out and fell to his knees as a few Inquisition guards came running in, mostly likely from all the yelling. Cullen barely noticed them as they pulled him up and led him to the healers, he was focused on the pain, but not the pain of his knuckles.

* * *

 

 When Cullen woke up, Syndaria was pacing around the room anxiously. "M'lady?" he croaked through his dry throat. How long had he been out? It couldn't have been long, what'd happened?

 The small elf whipped around in surprise. "Commander?" she said in relief, rushing over to his side.

 "Please..." he began, finally gathering up the courage to say it. "Call me Cullen."

 She looked at him with an odd expression. "Comm- Cullen, what did you do? You had me worried sick!" she scolded.

 He sighed. "I can't quite remember, I just remember punching the wall..." he said sheepishly, embarrassed at how stupid he'd reacted. Syndaria's reaction to this was enough to make him want to crawl in a hole. "You did  _what?!_ "she asked, looking at him like a mother would look at a child who stole a piece of pie that was meant for dessert.

 He hung his head shamefully and went a deep shade of crimson. "I'm not... happy about what I did, for what it's worth." he mumbled. "But," he started, realizing that he was at the clinic. "Why am I here? It's my hand that's hurt, why was I unconscious?" 

 "You don't remember anything that happened?" Syndaria asked, looking at him with slightly widened eyes. "You passed out, and you hit your head on the desk. We thought... I... thought you weren't-" she broke off, stifling a sob, and laid her head on Cullen's chest. He tensed at her touch.  _Maker... calm down, Cullen! All she did was lay her head on you! You're a grown man, a soldier! Not some Chantry boy who just touched a_ tit! He yelled at himself angrily. He didn't know why Syndaria affected him in such a way.

 He gathered the courage to lift a hand to her head and play with her hair, and she responded by climbing up onto the bed with him and curling up in the crook of his armpit.

 Cullen went rigid at the sudden proximity of her body, and he couldn't suppress the image of her climbing on top of him, before his arousal went straight to his pants. He quickly tried to think of something,  _anything_ else other than her body. He didn't want her to see what she did to him, but he couldn't get the image out of his head. Syndaria sensed his distress, and looked up at him, her big, green orbs. "Cullen?" she cooed. "What's wrong?"

 Maker, she was breathtaking. Her face was the stuff of dreams. The man who got to stand by her side would be the luckiest one in all of Thedas, and did he ever wish it could be him. He didn't deserve it, though. He didn't deserve to be that lucky. The kiss meant nothing, and the way she'd left... clearly she'd regretted it. It was a beautiful moment, that was all. "Nothing, mi'lady." he sighed. 

 "Cullen..." she moved so that he face was just inches from his. He could have sworn that his heart stopped beating right there, and then she leaned down and planted a feather-light kiss on his lips.


End file.
